ABBA-DADDY

Calling you: Abba-Father
Yet not honoring you
Calling you Lord Almighty
Yet my heart is untrue.

Calling you my friend
Yet my life pierced your hands.
Calling you Saviour
Yet content to sink in the sands
Of sinful pride
Still anchored inside.

I say that I love you
Yet words die so fast
I say that I serve you
But this does not last.

I say that I will praise you
Yet it is shame that I bring.
I say that I live for you
Yet to earth do I cling.
Oh life of hipocrisy
Service of the pharisee.

I will come to you again
I need your holy grace.
I will bend my knee and pray
I need your loving face.

I will come and start again
I need you by my side.
I will try to walk again,
I need your peace inside.

Abba-Daddy
Take me, hold me
I am afraid
To be alone.

A PRAYER

My soul is moved to tears
My mind paralysed in fears.
Will my life ever shine
With the love that is thine?
Or will I ever remain
By sin, burdened, restrained
Jehovah.

My life longs for love
And for the peace of the dove.
Yet sin-weary, my soul is bare,
Emptiness and cold inhabit my stare.
Will I ever fly free,
Or remain broken at the tree,
Jehovah?

MY GOD

Nothing to hide
I need to confide
In You-my friend
My God.

In my soul look
Make me an open book
For you-my friend
My God.

No shadows within
Not the darkest sin
Can stop your love
My God.

Even my stone heart
Unwillingness on my part
Can not stop your love
My God.

Lost in wondrous awe
Though condemned by your law
I am redeemed and alive
My God.

I love to love you
With true love, born anew
Saved by your cross
My God.

SONRISE

Battered, broken soul
Diseased by folly's hold.
Can no longer cry the tears
Hardened by the many fears
Of life, of love.

So lame inside, hater laughs
Joyed at the plan he crafts
To destroy another life.
He is author of pain and strife...
Of sin, of death.

Battered, broken man
Hate pierced his feet and hands
To destroy love's essence,
To annul our one chance
At life, at love.

Third day, hater cries
In anger-yet he defies
His dark kingdom's end
His monopoly on the souls of men.

Hallelujah.

BROKEN LOVE

The failure I am
Rips my soul apart
I am but man,
Bitter anger in my heart
I ache.

The misery of life
I lived to my shame
Sin's agony and strife
Wound me and leave me lame
In my soul.

The hollowness inside
God's Spirit, so saddened.
Sometimes I want to hide
But then my heart he gladdens
With His broken love.

WONDER

How is it so
Father I can come
Come to love and know
Your only begotten son.

But what am I
That you consider me
Giving your life to die
Crucified on that tree.

It is beyond my understanding
God almighty accepting me.

And yet I still fail
Stubborn in my sin
Like hammering on the nails
Is the pain when I will not win.

How awesome is your grace
Seeking to make me new,
How real is your loving face
Calling me back to you.

How majestic are your ways
How loving is your hand.

SOUL AGONY

I am but man
I can not understand
The mind of God.

I am but flesh
Can not fathom the mess
Of fallen man.

I am but one
Longing that all be done
And all be saved.

I am but fool
A broken tool
Wanting to love.

I am but sinner
So needing creator
To teach me _____.

I am but Michael
Feeling unable
To be ambassador.

A PRAYER

Universe holder
Human heart moulder
Your love is the flame
That burns within.

Lover of the frail
Though I often fail
You became man
The God who hugs back.

Brokenness mender
Spirit life sender
Take hold of my life
Make me small again.

ANOTHER FALL

Agony of the soul
When my spirit grows cold
The bloody remedy
Is the only melody
I need.

Suffering in the heart
Sin stained and apart
From Father-God's embrace
Fallen short of grace
I will die.

Why am I but man
Failing-I can not understand
The oldness inside
When God has cried
Over my pain.

Why am I so dead
For me your blood was shed
Hope withers in death
I need your loving breath
To be restored.

To be restored again.

ANOTHER STEP

Deep inside I know I am aching
With an ache I can not fill.
Every day I begin by waking
Asking God to make my heart still.

The pain is real
In this heart of steel
So alone.

Reality scornfully holds my life
Between her ice cold hands.
Cutting as a two-edged knife
I fall and fail-I am human.

The pain goes on
My strength is gone
So weary.

Father cradles me in His arms
Wiping the tears from my eyes.
Safe as in the eye of the storm
He helps me through my trials.

The pain will go
He told me so
Hosanna.

DAYS GONE BY

Emptiness and cold
My life was old
Death was destination
In wisdom of men.
...Days gone by.

A rebellious child
Sin-stained and wild
Until broken within
By wisdom of men.
...Days gone by.

Aching void in me
Crying to be free
Of my sinful bend
Of wisdom of men.
...Days gone by.

Love hung on the tree
The bittersweet remedy
To die to me again
To die to...
Wisdom of men
...Days gone by
Hope to come.

HOPE

Creation groans
Nature moans
In the agony
In the wait to see
Freedom.

Its broken melody
The song off-key
Tells of the pain
Tells of the stain
Of death.

Lost in the madness
To quiet the sadness
Of the hollow ache
We can not shake
This pain.

Reduced to our manhood
By our sides he stood
Pierced by our hate
He shattered hell's gate
For ever.

PRAISE

_____ author
How real you are.
Galaxy maker
Breather of stars
Breath life into us.

Broken soul healer
Your breath-so warm.
Broken heart stealer
You rise above storms
Of human frailness.

Human form bearer
Show me your scars.
Man without error
Your agony was ours,
Your pain was mine.

Glorious resurrection
Cold empty tomb.
The hope of mankind
Rebirth in the womb
Of your love.

SO DARK INSIDE

Ugliness within
Dark painful sin
The hurt and the guilt
The dark and the filth
I know
The decadence I live
I know
What I fail to give.

Cobwebs in the soul
Empty bare and cold
The Spirit grieved
When I'm deceived
I know
The hypocrisy I am
I know I fail to be a lamb.

Yet a whisper of hope
Tells me I can cope
And live my life again.
There is victory over sin.
I know
The blood's been spilled
I know
That God has willed
My resurrection.

I know.

SEARCHING THOUGHTS

The lack of care
The empty stare
The ache within
Man can not win
This game.

The search for truth
The gods of youth
The pain of age
A hopeless cage
We are in.

The love of lust
Are we but dust?
Or is there more
Within the lore
Of humanity.

Voice in the wind
Message it sends
Speaks of Holy love
Speaks of what's above
Our decadence.

Greatest melody
Fill the void in me
Your tune is _____
Oh singer almighty
Father's true son.

COCOONS

Day in, day out
Existing between parties.
What life is all about
Is lost in the haze
Of habit.

Lives breaking lives
Dead souls crying,
Pained by the lies
That keep them from trying.
To be alive.

Yet in death's cocoon
True love can invade
Open hearts will swoon
At the voice that made
Butterflies of worms

Kephale

Head as in a river's source
No kingly right to rule her course
I am to love as Christ, a bride
Loving as one who to self has died.

The task, uproot our fallen pride
Which hinders love that would confide
For how does one rule a lover
And keep the promise to love forever?

It is not good to be alone
Yet when headship is a lofty throne
Eyes that ought to breathe of joy
Fade when the person is a toy.

Kephale as in a river's source...

FAITH

Universe vastness stretches on
I, but a speck within a speck.
My dreams, unheard of, are gone
My soul, now a living wreck.

And lost within this cold expanse
Questions die on my lips.
And lost within a holy trance
Religious poison drugs all who sip.

Reason and heart both disillusioned
Of hopes for a better tomorrow.
And dreams are naught but intrusion
In the quiet of hopeless sorrow.

Yet there is another voice that cries
And beckons to our souls.
Visions of glory-broken, crucified
Accepting our pains and toils.

Why does not the infinite cease
This senseless game of death?
In faith-these doubts increase
Yet He shares our burning breath.

THE SILENCE

Relentless as a preying hawk
You dove and ripped me from myself.
My love I knew was only talk
I withered self-placed on the shelf.

I behold a smallish universe
I've created a monstrous cold.
In rebellion is my soul immersed.
And I'm beginning to feel so old.

I have no more prayers to breathe.
I have no more love to know.
All I have is broken need.
Yet His mercy, still does he show.

Relentless as a preying hawk
You dove and ripped me from myself.

UNSURE

I see no hand reaching
I've bitten and kicked it gone.
Running circles in my fleeing
I need to find a new dawn.

Silent prayers encounter silence
A waiting of the divine.
Is this love so relentless
Embracing the ugly which is mine?

MOURNING

Morning breaks in sunrise
Weary eyes open in pairs.
Another day of silent cries,
Another day of empty stares.

Sleep's sweet absence of mind
Shattered as consciousness gains.
Is there such a peace to find
As in sleep's absence of pain.

Preparing for the daily rushes,
Yet what for? Oh what for?
The cold surrounds and crushes
As they whimper: "there must be more".

PAINED PEOPLE

See the saddened eyes
The fearful look, the shifting gaze
Hear the saddest sighs
The pained cry of empty days.

See the hardened face
The loveless make a point to show
Watch the hopeless chase
Of dreams no one will ever know.

See the bleeding, see the blood
Calling away from pain. Above
And beyond is the call of God
Acquainted with grief, yet full of love.

Oh my people...listen.

CRYSTAL GAZE

The sparkle of sun
Dancing in river waves
The joy and the fun
Lost in a broken haze.

The twinkling sparkle
That once lit our eyes
Has grown still and dull
As we moved to the lies.

The river's dance is dry
The sun veiled by cloud
Our eyes too sore to cry
We fade into the crowd.

Behold our crystal gaze
No laughter in our soul
Still-glitter of empty ways
When living in hell's hole.

WEARY REFLECTIONS

Every answer bears a question
Every hope echoes despair.
Search deep within the hearts of men
Cold and empty inhabit their stare.

And I not much less lost
I who speak of love divine.
Like a coin turning in an upward toss
My soul is lost between the lines.

See the rose, watch it wilt
And the baby's innocent cry.
The sword is bloodied to the hilt,
And all that is beautiful will die.

Every question begs its answer
And our despair believes in hope.
Humanity, this tired old dancer
An acrobat clinging to a bit of rope.

MORNING DAY

Slow red aura ignites horizon
Like infection around a wound.
Bright intenses-until it rends
Sunbeam beckoning morning tunes.

All shadows pale in the birth
Of this same infant day.
Night chill fails as the earth
Is basked in the holy rays.

See landscape colors revive.
See the new hope crying
For this day yet barely alive
Paints too the colors of dying.

Oh for days of bettering sunrises
Ones that will not slowly die.
Days brightening without catharsis
That enraptures beyond every lie.

LEARN TO DIE

The chill is gone
The heart is dead
Dry as a bone
Well, without water bed.

Yet promises echo from some pages
Ringing the sound of past ages.

The soul is ill
A crumbling crust
Evil does kill
When I choose the dust.

Yet dim stirrings mildly sensed
Just beyond is a love immense.

How to breathe this fire
And not be consumed?
How to hate the liar?
He has built an inner room.

Take a bath in pools of blood.
Feel it cleanse the inner mud.

Ride the white stallion on high
Learn to live as you learn to die.

EMPTY CHRYSALIS

Tender the chrysalis
I wonder at its cracking
A rebirth into holiness
Where hope is not lacking.

So it is in discovering
Kindred souls importing
A new quickening in me.

Eyes blink a brief moment.
Moist wings uncurl in flight.
And I wonder and I lament
New wings lost from my sight.

So it is in the losing
Of love- an imparting
Of the sting of dying, in me.

LEARN

I sought and pursued
Unsought, unwanted.
I died to my dying
My specter now haunted
My living, my waking
In its mask it taunted
And won the gold
Turned it to lead
The new birth of my soul
Is dead.

ON DREAMS AND RAINBOWS

Dreams
Like phantom mist
A semi-absent apparition.

Dreams
Chain ankles and wrists
To a spectre's divination.

Mind's eye
Can almost taste substance,
Yet this daze flows from stupor.

Mind's eye
Fixed on transcendence
Hopes to breathe dust from the stars.

Dreams
Flee as vapour unto breeze.
Leaving a cold void behind.

Dreams
Will bring one to his knees
Praying one day to find

The rainbow's end.

DOUBT

The terror of uncertainty
Will this step of faith hold me?
Am I walking in empty space,
Is sanctuary but a story place?

REMINDERS

Sunlight seeps through grey sky
A spectrum of filtered shades.
One moment I am free of the lie
In another hope again fades.

The cool wind combs my hair
Blowing circles around my soul.
For a second, I sensed Him near,
Then the next, I have lost hold.

Small wonders tell of something more.
But my eyes still fail to see.
The lamp on that distant shore
That beckons me to the tree.

SURGERY

Some white light pierces
A Soul in twisted agony.
White light hand reaches
Deep within the mire of me.

A searing pain, as it grasps
At inner structures of decay.
Streamy tears as I gasp
At the surgeons ungentle way.

Yet these hands leave no wounds
Only silent scars reminding
How costly is death's merry tune
How painful is the ascending.

STOP

I heard it...
...The beat.
The heartbeat...
Stop.

RUMORS

I heard of a Father of love
His gentle Spirit descending.
And fluttering joy like a dove
And a fellowship unending.

Then I walked the concrete world,
The world within our hearts.
I longed to see the beauty unfurl
I saw lives falling apart.

I long to see a Father of love
And his Spirit on me descending.
Of this hardness, I have seen enough
And of fear that hell may be
Never ending.

WHERE IT WILLS

When the presence invades
My very heartbeat gladdens.
And as I learn to wade
Into its waves, spirit once saddened
Laughs a melody.

When the presence remains
Breathe deep as foul air turns sweet.
And as melt the iron chains
It blows dances around my feet
Childishly free.

When the presence withdraws
And closes heavens portals.
Weep bitter tears at the flaw
That is common to all mortals
Of Adam's descent.

And in the presence's absence-song
Toast pessimism to man made ways.
Boast your hope in the eschaton
Looking to the horizon of better days
Now unseen.

APPRAISAL

Mind soaring to heights unknown
Yet I stand alone under the sky.
A stoic cup, I have been known
To drink, yet my spirit sighs
In its isolation.

HEARTBEATS

One heart beats alone
A hope untried, unknown.
It beats hunger,
It beats thirst.
It grows stronger
Than the curse
Of dying.

One heart beat of home
Its seed is dead still unsown.
It beats longing,
It beats breath.
It is a dawning
Beyond the death
And dying.

One heart beats its dream.
Sets it out upon life's steam.
It beats lonely,
It beats pain.
It cries only
To love again
It's beloved.

One heart beat its echo
To the only rhythm it knows.
It beats answer,
It beats substance.
Its beat follows
A Divine dance
And rapture.

THE NATURE OF DREAMS

Solitary dreams
Pale vapours inodore.
Isolated screams
Lost within the lore
Of these lost times.

Solitary dreams
A chime in a dead man's room.
And so does it seem
This whole world within a tomb
In these lost times.

Solitary dreams
Need a real mountain to echo.
And silent deadly streams
Are all I seem to know.
In these lost times.

Solitary dreams.

BREAD AND WINE

You bid us come and dine
A meal of bread and of wine
Bread, by human hands broken
As your body-a holy emblem.

Wine, fruit of the vine,
Poured out as a loving sign
That we may drink, may eat
And sit at your broken feet,
Your children, your servants
Your body,
Amen.

HOME

Eyes loving and longing
Piercing into my soul.
Birthing a new song to sing
Completes and makes whole.

A smile with my name inscribed
Dawns on a human face
A new love has arrived
And flesh again embodies grace.

Arms that would cling and hold
Until I am old and grey
Healing wounds and making bold
A spirit weary of the day.

Woman-love a new fountain
I have hidden from so long.
Yet she is made for this man
And I to her belong.

MOONLIGHT

Bask in the moonlight,
As shadows long
And spirits strong
Breathe wind in the sails of fear.

Bask in the moonlight,
Live in the glass darkly
Hate all that writhes ugly
And long for love to draw near.

Bask in the moonlight,
Night shall give to day
Night mist will go away
And hope will dry every tear.

Bask in the moonlight,
Awaiting the greater sight
Of love unveiled
The love once nailed
To the shadows long
To the spirits strong
'Till His fullness be unveiled...

...Bask in the moonlight.

DANA

Your smile makes a cool breeze flow
Innocence born to love and grow.
In our cold and calloused world
Dana, cling to the only Pearl.

Childhood so soon outgrown
You become what you have sown.
Child in-heart may you always be,
Dana we pray you will be free.

Your eyes, they know no hate,
Have not beheld an evil fate.
As we behold you, a gift of heaven
Dana we pray that the world of men
Not own you
Ever.

KRISTEN

Kristen, you laugh and we laugh.
You smile so very carefree
Knit where God and parents craft
A thing of beauty.

What do those bright eyes contain?
That tiny head so full of life.
Faces, feelings, flow through a brain
Yet unexposed to grief and strife.

The sparrows are precious unto Him
How much more it is with you.
Yet faith and love dance on a limb
Of hope to see you walk in truth.

EYES OF MARRIAGE

Eyes that burn with passion,
Eyes that burn with pain,
Eyes that burn with sorrow,
Time and time again.

Six years looking into this well,
It's depth never to behold.
Six years of loving and aching,
To touch beyond the cold
Of love's wintry pain.

Life remolded and redefined--
How could it be life without thee.
In life and death my soul is thine,
A caged bird not wanting to be free
Of your embrace.

In heart, in soul, in mind, in body,
In all ways my very self thirst for you.
To touch, to see, to taste, to hear,
In joy and pain--each day I wish anew,
To have and to hold--oh love.

And love has brought us so very far,
Twas love that brought us so near,
That love has given us Jonathan,
And love that teaches me to fear,
Ever losing your love.

Eyes that burn with passion,
Mine eyes cry with your pain.
Will our eyes see past the sorrow,
And only see love again?
I pray...
I love you.

__________

Written some 15 years ago...